AN INSIGHT

I wish I had a stronger back bone back home !!! I wish I belonged to those upper class of families , but I did not , I hail from a very simple family , and when I say that , I mean in all aspects, financially, socially , and technically geographically as well !!

When I say I come from a city called " Ankleshwar" most of you either don't know about it or most of them are busy wondering why I share my last name with the city , but it is what it , lol !!

Now let me take a moment to give my fellow readers an insight !!

Because I know that a lot of you share a similar life story as mine ,

It's from my heart to yours.

It makes me strong and gives me a sense of pride that it is because that I did not have a stable and supportive platform to start with is what has made me work harder everyday and pushed me to make it on my own .

Yes sometimes I envy my friends, who had a better life than mine , cuz it gave them flexibility to focus completely on their own goals and not worry about just being able to keep up with basic necessities of life , but I am happy as well for them cuz you were lucky enough to have that opportunity, please appreciate it, be thankful to your families for they have worked hard their entire lives to give you that golden spoon !!

A lot of us don't enjoy that luxury , for me , I had to focus on a lot of other things apart from my goals.

My father, a very honest man, hard working, full of self respect , honour and dignity , gave all of his life's treasure and experience to me, he did everything he could in his reach and beyond that to help me get started !! It's a different story that his reach was limited , but he did everything he could, if I were to brief his contribution I would say " He gave me his life", and and today when I look back , I realize that I have come a long way since he helped me get started and and I still have miles to go and I will !!!

I was not born with a golden spoon and looks like it will take me quite sometime to reach their , but I'll get there someday and I know, it's work in progress !

I don't shy away from the fact that I don't belong to any affluent family , and I believe that's what has taught me, to never look down on any one , it has taught me to be honest and go all the way in to achieve what you want in life , to begin with, coming to Canada was a far fetched dream , no one in my family has even taken a flight before , and that might be surprising to a lot of people reading this , I was the first one to fly, I was the first free bird with wings in my family ,and that's because of their sacrifice that I could fly !!

I had a goal , a dream , I dared to dream beyond my reach , and my father did everything he could , to help me get started and take my first step.

An immense flow of respect comes from my heart when I talk about him , what a brilliant man, with such low resources but a very profound mind and heart , he never gave up on me , he felt bad when he failed at times , but not cuz he failed but cuz he could not give me all the worlds riches , but he never stopped , he tried and tried again and at the verge of his retirement, I still see him waking up early in the morning and going to work every single day !!!

I say again, "what a brilliant man, my father "

I am not a famous person but I have a fair share of my readers and friends, my young cousins , my juniors from college and school, some friends and family who look up to me at times ,

And unfortunately Some people envy my life , the way I dress, the way I look and the way I live my life here , the way I communicate, the way I behave.

If you are one of those people, I ask you to not feel that way, cuz you will have your own pride and battles and please own it , no one else can feel the way u do when you walk in your own shoes and when u fight your own battles !!

Appreciate what you have and be happy for what you are , and if you want something more from your life, don't complain, get out there and work towards it, and I know , sooner or later it will come to you , just don't quit !!!

Please don't compare or feel bad about yourself or your lives cuz you might feel others have it better then you , cuz trust me, they have their own hidden skeletons !!! No one has got it perfect !! Not even the most affluent people !

That's the beauty of life, you won't be able to explore its mysteries , you won't have the curiosity and a chance to venture your options , if life was perfect or if everyone had everything !!!

That being said, everything that you see about me, I have worked hard to achieve that, my family has sacrificed the little they had to put me where I stand , and I feel a sense of pride that I can own my life today and not be obliged to give explanations for the things that I do the way I do them, they are my own life choices and no one but me, my family and my friends deserve an applause for the contribution !!!

And I say it again, it was hard , very hard for all of us to carve this path that I walk on today , with complete honesty and honour !

The day you are independent , socially and financially is the day you learn how important it is to have a goal and focus else you will be lost ! Because no , we don't have a golden spoon to feed us , it's just raw hard work and struggle which will help you shine some day !

I take this time today, to wish you a very " Happy Birthday Father "

If it was not for your struggles that I have seen you going through , I would never become what I am today ! I have nothing but utmost respect that even with the most minimal resources you never quit, and put your heart and soul to give everything in your reach and beyond to fulfill the dreams of your family !

And and rest , I wish you all the best for whatever life journeys you have embarked upon , I wish you reach your destiny successfully and achieve what you desired !!

P.S: All my lil kiddos out there who tell me, Didi/sister , I wish we could be like you, no you shouldn't be , cuz you only need to be yourself , find your own path and start your own journey !!

Lost Spaces

And there he was, standing right outside her door, dressed up in a white calm shirt and grey trousers, he looked good, as always, but this time it was different, he was nervous, maybe because he had not seen her in ages, he wondered if she still looked the same, he wondered if she will look at him in the same way, he wondered what he would tell her, he wondered if it was going to be okay.

The phone rings and Tia is still in her bed, trying to wake up to this beautiful morning. She picks up, "who is this ?", " Its me, Tia, I am standing right outside your door. ", "what, Sunny you, you are here?",  She skipped a beat, her life froze to an unending winter right away, she could feel the chill in her bones, he was here, after all this time, years, he was here. " Hello Tia, hello, are you listening, can you please come and see me ?",  " Umm yes, I am here, I am listening , I'll be right there " Tia replied. 

She changed into her ripped jeans and floral top, she looked like the sunshine, and in the scorching heat, she was still peaceful and poised. She walks down to her door, her heart pounding abnormally fast, trying to tell her the stories of her past. She remembered all her sleepless nights, when she cried herself to sleep, when she missed him but he was not around, and now he was here, and she was not prepared, her body had lost all the hopes of ever seeing him again, but now, she was going to see him,.

She opens the door, " Sunny.......(long silence)" , "Tia.......(long silence)" they didn't react , they dint speak, just looked at each other and they were lost.

He pulls himself together, " Hi Tia, how have you been ?" she walks towards him, still does not reply, she just goes and hugs him, he feels the storm inside him, she feels the pain in her heart, she feels the warmth of his body, she had missed him, she had missed him for years. He had missed her too, he starts to recognize her curves, fragrance of her body, her hair smelled like flowers, he remembers, she was his girl, his lady love "

Finally they pull themselves away from each other, they adjust their thoughts to reality, " Sunny, why do you have 2 cups in your hand ?" she asks,  "Oh this, I got them for you, I forgot if you liked tea or coffee, so I got you both " ,  she smiles, " Ill take the coffee"  He holds her hand  and asks her , so where do we go ? 

"Sunny , do you want to go the hill gardens , where we went for the first time together ?" he couldn't help but smile and said yes, why not ?

He takes her to the car, "sunny I don't remember this ride, a lot has changed I guess during all these years", and it sure did.  The ignition turns on and there they go, but this time to their past, their happy place, their memories. 

There is perfect silence between them for sometime, but not the awkward silence, its the silence of pain and loss, he realizes he should initiate , just like good old times , " Do you want to go grocery shopping ?"  he asked her with a straight face, " go where, what did you just say", she laughs and laughs till the tears roll down her cheek, " Sunny, we met after years, and that;s what you have to ask me ? you are still pretty romantic, I must say , Grocery shopping , hahaha ". He realized he didn't really choose his words wisely, but how could he tell her, that he still feels the same old butterflies in his stomach  every time he looks at her. 

They reach the hill gardens, he parks the car, holds her hand and says " Here we are, lets go ? " 

They walk together, holding hands, he playfully touches the curves of her waist, did you put on some weight Tia, " What No, I just became fluffy, yes, fluffy and not fat " she says. He laughs at her, kisses her forehead, and thinks, she is still just the same adorable girl he fell for, and she hasn't changed , not even a bit. They talk about everything , everything they saw, they felt around them. " Sunny, you said there are 9 billion people on this planet, and you said I'm the one still stuck in your head", isn't it ? Tia asked with those sparkling eyes.  He thought this was going to be his tough one, he sensed some heat coming his way, he hesitated but said " Yes, that's true, that's what I said".  " I was wondering that we have 9 billion people on this planet, why cant we give them each a billion dollar and deal with poverty once and for all, I mean we just have to spend 9 billion dollars " She inquired with a childlike curiosity. He tried but could not hold his laughter, he pulls her cheek and says, " Do you realize Tia that 9 billion dollars to 9 billion people means just $1 dollar per person and not $1 billion per person, right ? "  She realizes her dumb moment and laughs and says, oh I was just kidding , just wanted to make sure you still know your numbers right." 

He looks at her and smiles, but all of a sudden he stops, he pulls her towards him and says " How angry are you with me Tia, for leaving you, without telling you " , She tries but she looses all her words, she looks at him and wonders what she should say. It has been years since he left. He never told her why he was leaving, one fine day he just decided to walk out of her life to never come back, she waited for him, seasons passed by but he never came back, and after all this time, he was here, she was angry, she was disappointed but what he didn't know was that out of all, she was happy, she was so happy to finally see him, be able to feel him, have him by her side, she had waited years for this moment, how could she be angry, he took all her feelings off-guard and now she was standing right in front of him, vulnerable once again.
They look at each other, he holds her face in his palms, and asks her once again" Tia, please get it all out, I know you are angry with me and you have all the rights to be , so please say something, fight with me be angry at me, but just don't stay quite, your silence hurts me"
She reacts to his words, and says " Sunny, you left me long time ago, Yes I was angry with you, but now I am just disappointed that you left, I have gone through hell each passing day, trying to get over you, trying to run away from your memories , your essence  which you left in me, I have been trying to escape the shadows of our past , and now you are here, asking me if I am angry, all this pain has killed every bit of emotion in me Sunny and now, once again, I feel naked, I feel vulnerable with you, because I know, that you are here but you are not here to Stay ." He feels the shock right in his veins, wondering how she knew that he was not going to stay. She hugs him, real tight, he could feel the squeeze on his chest, she was stronger now, she speaks in her undertone " Sunny, please stay, don't leave me once again, I am already broken apart, if you leave now, Ill be left in pieces for life, ill loose my purpose, my existence, I love you , don't take this away from me ".
He pulls himself away from her, the storm in his chest was destroying every bone and skin on his body. He fought his dire desire to stay back, he wished he could, he wanted to, but he had his reasons, he argued himself a million times in his head, but he still knew that he cannot stay back, no matter what. He sighs a heavy breath and says " Tia, I have to leave now, its time, I have to go , I just wanted to see if you can ever find the heart to forgive me, I know I don't deserve it, but I cannot live with the fact that you hate me, so if you ever can forgive me, please do, and just know, I love you, but my reasons don't allow me to be with you".
He holds her hand, kisses her forehead, wraps his strong wide arms around her, she feels safe, but she knows that his arms are not her safe haven, anymore. They drive back to her house.
" So that's how this ends Sunny ? Is this our fate ? I don't agree to your reasons to leave me, for breaking us apart, knowing that you love me as well and you are still letting us fall apart, its a sin, don't do this " Tia cries her heart out.
He settles himself back to his strong demeanor , wishing that his parents were not caught in the religious setbacks of this world , he knew that once again love was lost over religion, over unrealistic family values , over unrealistic family expectations , over domestic pressure, he remembered the heated conversation he had with his parents that night, when he left her years ago, when they told him they will not accept their love, and he had to give in to their old crying tears. He was hoping for joy and celebration that night when he went to his parents to tell them that he found his girl, but he was left in pieces when they told him that he was being unreasonable to fall in love with an outcast. He wished he could leave everything and run away from everything, everyone, but he was a good son, a good brother and he could not escape his reality and so he chose to leave her and walked  away from her life, without telling her, not knowing how to face her, not knowing how to tell her that he lost her over religious fanaticism in the society.

And after all these years, here he was, trying to find his soul back, trying to find forgiveness, " Sunny, are you listening to me, will you ever come back ? " she shakes his weak shoulder and asks.
" I am sorry Tia, I can never come back " he says with a breaking voice and leaves.

She walks back, crying, fighting herself, trying to gather her broken pieces, her soul ripped apart once again, just like that. How would she ever know that she lives in a society where rapists are considered less harmless then the ones who eat beef. How would she know that she lives in a society where our religious fanatics are comfortable having their sons/daughters get married to complete strangers over their long lost love.  How would she ever know that she lost her love over some unrealistic, unchallenged norms of this rigid society.

All she knew was that she lost today, she just didn't loose her love, she lost her faith today !!!!

" Two worlds, Two people, Once again Love was Lost,  all they needed was a fight for rationality over religion "

Imprints

And she sighs a heavy breath, 

Hands trembling, her world shattered to ruins, bleeding body, aching soul,  there she was lying helpless, not even bothered to ask for help, all by herself, given up on life, existence , reality.

What happened to her? Who did this to her ?

He saw her from a distant corner. she looks at him, dust and blood in her eyes making it hazy for her to see him, but she knows, he is looking at her, she struggles to breathe and suddenly, its is all gone, there is peace, silence, no more pain. 

she closes her eyes , smiles, and says, "mine is one of the million deaths".

He keeps staring at her divine blood, and finally cries out loud, its over, its over, its over.

It was few years ago when he saw her, one in a million smile.

He was passing by his regular hangout parlor, when she called him, "hey you , yes you, you smiled at me"

Yes i did, you just made me smile, you look like the sunshine we all need.

Oh , if that's the case, i hope u spread the sunshine of joy everywhere, keep smiling. 

He turns and leaves, looks back and she is still smiling.

He gets back home, finds his sister in tears, 

Hey baby doll, whats up today,who took your smile away ? 

They did, mumma did, papa did.

Why do you say that  doll?

They asked me to get married.

Isn't that what you should, you are of age now ? don't you need someone to hold you, love you for the rest of your life ?

Brother, Do i need someone to love me ? No I Don't. I love myself, I love you all and you all love me back, Isn't that enough ?

Haha, my baby doll, you talk of innocence, Its a cruel world out there, you are a woman, you will need someone to protect you, someone to fulfill your dreams, support you.

But, But brother, I can do it on my own, Brother please, stop them,

He leaves, looks at her , smiles and says, baby doll, you will understand its for your good, all in time.

He is tired from all days work, gets back to his room, sees his wife sleeping peacefully.

Wakes her up, lovingly and says, my love. I am back home, what have you cooked for me.

Nothing, she says. I feel i just want to be myself today, read , watch my favorite show. 

Haha, ofcourse love, but you can do that after you feed me ? can't you do this for me after all the hard work i do all day long to keep you happy and bring all the luxuries for you back home ?

But, But i just want one day off, by myself, please.

Sure love, you have all day , everyday to yourself, just a bit of attention when im back home, isn't it your responsibility ?

she sighs, true, i'll get you food right away.

thanks my love, that's like my sweetheart.

He hears jumping feet in the next room and wakes up from his afternoon nap, goes to the other room and sees his daughter jumping and dancing.

Child why are you jumping, I am so happy to see you smiling, whats the good news ?

Dad, he says he loves me, I have always loved him. I think he is the one, my forever.

Haha, you are naive my child, you are too young to understand true love. He is not right for you.

But dad, you don't know him, he is the one for me, if you meet him you will know that too.

I am your father child, I know whats the best for you, I have more life experience, I will find you a prince charming, don't you worry child.

But dad, How can i fall in love with someone you find for me, isn't this more simple to be with someone i already love ?

Child its about your life, we cannot risk it.

But Dad, that's what I have been saying all day long that its my life and we should not risk it.

Enough child, go to bed, get some rest, we need to go meet my friends son tomorrow, they have been waiting for us.

But dad, what about the guy I love , if he is not good for me, who is he good for then ? 

Child, its his destiny now, leave it to his fate.

But dad, what if we were destined to be ? 

If it was destined, I would know, I am your father, Have i ever done anything which is not in your favor ?

That's true dad, you have loved me unconditionally, i think you are right, Ill be ready in the morning to go with you

I am glad child, sleep now, he kisses her forehead and leaves.

He was on his way back to meet his friends when his mother stops him, Son, can you get me some playing marbles when you come back home ?

Playing marbles, why mother, why do you need them ?

I just need them, do i have to tell you why,  to get them ?

I am just curious mother, why would you need playing marbles ?

Well they are playing marbles, if a child asked for them to you, wouldn't you know why he needs them ?

Well if its a child i would know that he wants to play with it.

Exactly my point son, I need them to play with them, its been quite a while since i did that.

What ? you want to play with the marbles, haha, mother you make no sense to me sometimes.

But why son ?

You should sit and read about god at this age mother, to fulfill your life purpose.

But i thought you were my life purpose, you are my life, haven't i justified my life enough already ?

Well i got no time for this mom, but i love you, i'll get you some beautiful jewelry when i come back, may be that would be of more worth at this age.

Mothers prays for him and shuts the door.

He has been a wonderful son, husband and a father. 

He wished best for his family.

But then why did he cut theirs wings off ? Was he afraid that their independent flight might bruise them? 

Years went by, he made decisions which he thought were best for them.

and one fine day,

He saw her again, 

Bruised, bleeding and trembling with pain.

He kept staring at her from a distant corner.

She was dead, and someone who passed by told him, 

"Poor woman, her parents got her married to a guy and he found out that she does not love him and loves someone else, so he beat her to death and left her crying, and the man you see sitting beside her is the guy who she loved all her life".

He breaks into tears all of a sudden, fear runs through his bones.

She looks at him from a distant, sand and blood in her eyes, its all hazy,but she knows its him, and she smiles at him.

Reality strikes, its the same woman who smiles just like the sunshine.

She is gone, its over. 

And she yells at him, "mine is one of the million deaths"

and now he knows why she said that, she speaks for all the women who have died, because all their life, men like him, made decisions for them. 

They brought them unnatural death.

Well, she is dead now.

But we still have a chance, why can't we let our women think for themselves, decide for themselves, why cant we be more confident about them ? 

She is beautiful, she might look fragile, but she is a lot more than that.

She is fully equipped by nature to protect herself and to know what is best for her, lets trust her and if she falls, "My Man" you pick her up and put her back to the field and let her fight her own battles.

Ours is a majestic world. Lets do our own part here and leave behind out own little imprints for the world to remember us.

I hope someday, when I am gone, you will still see me, find me in all that i will leave behind and know me for who i was, and not what they wanted me to be.

 

You Said...!

Night is getting darker.
I don't see any light.
You said you will brighten up my day....
but its still dark...its getting cold...

You said you will keep me warm...
then why do i still feel the chills getting to my bones ?

You said you will fix me...
then why am i breaking further every single day ?

I am trying to pull my self together...
but i think there is a piece  missing from my life...
oh yes....i think its you....where are you honey ?

You said you love me....
then why do I feel this hatred in me....hatred for myself.
Do you still love me honey ?

You said have faith...love is beautiful....
then why does it hurt so much ? do you feel the pain as well honey ?

You said you will call me back....after the numerous calls i left you....
then why have i still not heard from you...Are you still going to call me honey ?

You said you will tell me stories of legends...of starts and sky
but all i hear is your silence...will you still tell me your stories honey ?

You said you promise to take care of me...
I am sick since past 2 weeks...and you told me i am old enough take care of myself...
you never asked me if i was feeling better....will you still take care of me honey ?

You said you will work this out...
then why is everything so messed up...will you still clean this mess up honey ?

You said you are building your dreams...you said its for us.
then why am I living a nightmare..will you still share your dreams with me honey ?

You said you will come see me..its been too long,
I am still standing by the window....are you still on your way honey ?

You said you miss me...you want me,
then why do i feel so out of place, unwanted...do you still need me honey ?

You said you will talk about your fears, your past, your future.
then why am i still so isolated from your present...am i still a part of your life honey ?

You said your work is your priority...you have been working a lot lately
then why do i feel i am fading from your memory...do u still remember me honey ?

You said you will travel the world with me.
then why don't i see you walking beside me...are you still holding my hand honey ?

You said you will listen to my daily chores.
then why have i not spoken a word lately...do you still crave for our long lost conversations honey ?

You said you are building a future with me..
then why do you never talk about our plans anymore..are you still working to keep us together honey ?

You said you wont let me walk the rains alone...its been raining a lot lately.
then why am i drenched head to toe...will you still hold the cover for me honey ?

You said you will not let me cry...you will wipe away all my tears.
then why do i cry myself to sleep every night...are you still watching over me honey ?

You said you do understand my words and my silence.
then why don't you hear my heart crying out loud for you...will you still respond to me honey ?

I see the sun rising out the window...the day is lighting up.
But i am still here...cold and drenched.
waiting for you...
are you still coming back to me honey ?
are you ever coming back ?.....

Midnight Magic

They say you might end up with the best or the worst stories of your life after midnight.

It was past midnight .

He laughed....laughed way too hard.
He was stressed since morning. A thesis was due tomorrow. But he was distracted.
And she was the reason for this sudden distraction.

He could not help but leave his papers aside. He looked into her Facebook account.
This time he laughed harder. He thought her weird and crazy pictures were adorable. He texted her with more emoticons then usual.
She thought he was hot. He had a great sense of humour which made him just more irresistible .

They talked through the night. He realized he had a thesis submission. But how cold he not talk to her, he was enticed.

He wrote," you are proving to be my lucky charm, I aced my thesis "
She perked up, not because he aced, but because he texted.

She asked, so young man, " who are you, i understand you like what i write but that's not enough to know you."
He smiled and said, " well, nothing too fancy, just a regular guy who is tying to be happy with everything that life throws at him "

She smiled with her heart

It was late at night when she went drinking with her friends and came back home sloshed.
He waited for her. She typed some drunken texts.
He called back hoping to talk to her for the first time. She picked up.
She laughed and she talked. He adored her, every bit of her. He was concerned but could not ignore her innocence.
She was drunk enough to talk about everything,from man boobs to the walking ceiling. It could have been her walk of shame in the morning.

And the days turned into more midnight's. It was madness. They didn't know each other, then why were they so caught up into each other. Well you might say it was attraction and it could have been.

Few days into the madness and he decided to see her. He asked her out.
She should have been happy. But she got scared. What was it about him that freaked her out ?
She told him, " I am sorry but i can't see you",  and left him muddled.

He thought it would be intruding her privacy if he pushed her about it. But he was a restless man, he did it anyway and asked her, " Why, why would you not go out with me ? Am I too ugly for you ?
She could not hold her smile back and said, " I fear the unknown. I don't know what this is, and I am protective about myself."
He paused, took a heavy breath and said, " well, you have already left me vulnerable to a whole new reality of my life, and I am not scared of it. I want to take the dive, and enjoy the downfall "
She was speechless, she knew he had caught her by her weak nerves and said, " yes i will go out with you."
He couldn't have been more happy and he danced his happy feet off while his friends looked at him in awe.

She had fantasized about a perfect date long before she understood the concept of true love. He took her to the most fancy restaurant by the lakeside and moonlight. She was dripping innocence on him. They were lost into each other. His presence was her only existence. It was divine. He carried her on his back and took her to the beach where moonlight played with the shores.It did not feel like the first time.They were weirdly very comfortable in each others company. They danced with the moon and the cold water washed their feet. She built a castle, sand castle for him, and he painted the castle town red. Was it supposed to be like this on the first date ? Were they not supposed to be cautious, more alert. But they were not. His arms felt like the safest escape. She left him vulnerable to new possibilities of love. 

They were mesmerized by this new world. They had experienced love before, they had been hurt before, they were too scared to take the pain, then why did this feel different. Were they blinded by the disguise of being in,love, or were they enticed by the erotica ? 

Time was playing its part, they were unaware of the impending storm. 
The  midnight turned into dooms light.

He said he was caught up in a hateful notion of love.He said he had priorities. She was shattered. She dint ask for this, she looked at life with a different perception now. A perception which was broken by this hateful notion of love. She had devoted herself into his divine arms, arms which were getting weaker. He was pulling himself back into an isolated world. He worked religiously. People around him were exhausted by his resistance. She longed for the midnight magic to bring him back to her, but cried her nights to sleep. The days turned into unanswered calls and messages. She tried to put the pieces together, pieces which were broken and lost. She lost the warmth of his arms, his words, his aura was vanishing. They were drifting apart.

Did he ever loved her ? Yes he did. Was he scared to lose her ? Yes he was. 
Then why were the two love struck's falling apart ?
He tried to be her hero but he was too caught up in his own material existence. He could not resist his tempting larger than life dreams. He saw this love as a threat either to his enormous self discipline or to his work and as a result he did not allow anyone to get too close to him. He was blinded by his surroundings. The more she tried to fit in his shoe, the tighter they became. She was losing the grip. He said let it go, let it flow. She didn't fit in, while he walked out of her life every single day until the day they went back to being strangers. 

She tried, to ignore the dreamy night. She wanted to drift back into her shell, her broken shell. 
But midnight rendered its magic, their love still fights against every dooms day.
They were night and day to each other. He rose to his  majestic material world while she set herself in the calmth of the divine moon. 

Midnight comes and casts her spell.

"The bed's getting cold and you're not here,
The future that we hold is so unclear
But I'm not alive until you call
And I'll bet the odds against it all
Save your advice 'cause I won't hear
You might be right but I don't care
There's a million reasons why I should give you up
But the heart wants what it wants"

Wings of Fire

A great man left us all today to embark on his new journey.
This day has shocked an entire nation and a million hearts cried for his soul.

I have had a crazy week. A 14 hour shift for a week had drenched all the energy out from my body, and I was trying to catch up with some sleep. The news had put my mind to never ending thoughts. A man that my father idolized had left the world behind and my dream of meeting him once in a lifetime had been shattered. The social media was swamped with the news and people were seen praying for his soul.

Why did I decide to pen this article today...
because,
He inspired me enough to sacrifice my sleep. He inspired me to go work towards my dreams. He inspired me to speak of honesty before I lied on hopes to someone. He inspired me to take care of a child and lead him to build a great nation. He preached humanity as the highest order and simplicity as the mantra to lead a true life. His presence was enough to create a sense of responsibility in the people around him. He defined punctuality and valued time for he knew that there is only enough time that we have got to full fill the purpose of our lives. He had a positive attitude towards bringing a true change. A revolution in the political system which would help the nation grow in the right direction. He believed that the youth of the nation is the true building block and creating a vision in them would breathe a fire to bring about the change that he dreamt of. He wanted to be remembered as a great teacher and his life has been nothing but a source of true knowledge. His fundamentals were simple and attracted a spark that ignited a million minds. He lived his life with integrity and ethics. He was a true leader and his followers are devoted.

Today I write this not for our loss but to try and keep the flame burning.
I hope we don't forget the cause that he lived for and make his dream of a better tomorrow come true.

He said that do not declare a public holiday on my loss but work an extra day if you can.

My father once told me that he is the greatest men he knew.

With all due respect,
Rest in Peace, Sir APJ Abdul Kalam  !

One Night Stand

And then she met him.

He came towards her through the crowd. He was looking straight into her eyes. She was silent. She felt her heart beat slip, but she chose to sink it in. She chose to ignore that strong voice asking for her name. She knew that this was just another impending disaster. She was still gathering her courage. Men in her life knew that she was a walking landmine. She had exploded real bad in the past and she could yet again, anytime soon. But this man, in front of her had something about him which made her go weak in her knees. She put on her mask. She prepared her disguise and said, “Katrina, I’m Katrina”. He smiled at her and said “of course you are, you have blown my mind away and I’m sure that you will take away this little heart and soul of mine soon too. You are my sweet disaster.” She was charmed. This guy knew how to play around with words. She had to keep her mind strong. She could not let anyone hurt her again. She politely but with a strong voice asked him, “what is it that you are looking for.”  He said “I have found everything that I’m looking for but I don’t know that what I was looking for wants to be with me or not”. She trembled, she knew it was coming towards her, fast and furious. She said “I have nothing to give you. I’m sorry.” He said, “Then let me give you something, my extended friendship.” She was losing her mind, he was attractive. She controlled herself and said, “I don’t talk to strangers, I have enough friends, and yourself, sir, don’t look lonely so I’m sure you will excuse me for not accepting your friendship. I have to go now.” She was going to walk past him when he grabbed her hand inappropriately and said, “No offense but I’m not a creep. I like you, the moment I saw you, I knew I can’t miss out on her, I need to try. If you think I’m crossing my line, let me know and this will be the last time I talk to you. I had to stop you else you wouldn’t listen to me”, and then he gently left her hand. She was in a shock and a sweet surprise. She saw that honesty in his eyes. That sudden attraction for him clouded her mind and she said “I live 15 minutes from here.” He couldn’t hold in his happiness, after all he had been watching her for weeks. He said “Give me the pleasure to drop you home, and those 15 precious minutes of your life.” She nodded and said “be here at 7pm.” He smiled at her and left. She wanted to forget about it all and not be there at the decided time, but she gave out on emotions again. Yes, once again. The same emotions which had let her down numerous times in her life, but she was addicted and would keep going back to those same emotions. The time seemed to have taken a break. She waited eagerly. He was getting ready. He put on his best shirt, a cologne that would make women throw themselves at him. He had intentions, she was unaware of.

The clock struck its 7. He came. It was quieter this time. People had left to go back to their nests. Though the surrounding was peaceful there was an explosion of emotions inside her. She poised herself and looked at him with her striking smile, and said “here is my address, let’s get your GPS to guide us home”. He lost a little confidence when she got straight to the point. But he still wanted to play it cool and said, “aay aay captain, let’s get moving.” 

They got into his car, and his ride was Big. She was impressed and that’s what he wanted to do. She sat beside him and put her seatbelt on. It was then she realized she could breathe something irresistible. It was him and that cologne was working its way through. She adjusted herself and they drove. He looked at her and said, so tell me “How do you manage?” She looked confused and asked, “What do I manage” and he smiled and said “your beauty, your charm, your magic.”  He made her laugh, she was flattered. She was naïve. She had a soft heart, which could melt at the tiniest bit of emotions. He knew his trick well, and the game was on. She said with a blush, “Well, I think I was born with some perks and I just take good care of what I have”. He knew he was getting hard in her head. He got his game up and made sure those 15 minutes were enough to get her to take out for the next date. By the end of it, he succeeded. She did not get down the car. And he already had his second date by the end of the first. Impressive for a guy isn’t it, but he was that good. He had some real good experience and she was the result of a lot of bad experiences and boom, jackpot for him. He said “So what's next, do you like coffee?”  She was onto something else and said “I do, but I need some beer right now, how about that.”  He did not expect this. He was getting judgmental. His mind was playing tricks on him now. He was in a shock. But he needed to get back on track and said “sure, let me take you to a bar then and I can pick you up from the bar with my best possible pick up line. It would be fun to get this hot damsel from the bar”. She knew he was a big flirt, but she was up for the game, she knew he was hard to resist. She knew it was a catastrophe, but she didn't care enough. She was already broken and dint has much left to save. She took a deep dive in that fire. The wheels turned to their next destination and the ride was set to get dirty.

Wilderness, they reached. Yes, that was the name of the Bar, she had picked it up. She had her adventure bag packed and set to explore. They entered the bar, and the heads turned. He wasn’t lying when he said this hot damsel. She was one. She had those sparkling eyes, she smiled with her heart, her hair long enough to reach and kiss her waist and her bosom was perfectly synced with her striking red dress. It gave a hint of her bosom, but still covered most of it. It was like teasing people for the things they can’t get. She knew she had gotten into his head too. They chose to sit in a corner. She needed a quiet place and he needed his open field. He was prepared to play his next stroke. He pulled the chair for her and they settled in. Food and beer was on the table, and candle lit in just the right amount. It was getting warm and cozy. She feared this could lead to some terribly beautiful moment. He knew he was getting close to his objective, his object was already hypnotized by his charm. They rose their toast of the night and beer was poured more than water.  She knew it was hitting her and he knew he was in control of his senses. The beer wasn’t a hard core drink for him after all. They talked, they laughed. He made sure that she was enticed by his aura. He knew how to play his cards well. She was getting prettier with every smile she threw at him and she was very well aware it was working. The night was getting darker and the fire within them brighter. Wilderness indeed stood up to its name. He offered her to help her walk back to the car, but she said she was okay. He knew she had lost control, but he let her take the lead. She was pleased. Her womanhood wasn’t challenged this time. He made sure he walked right behind her. She juggled her way to the car tripping million times before they reached but she said she was okay and he made sure that she was. He opened the door and buckled her seat up. He got ready to drive when she said stop. He did not. He kept driving until they reached a quieter place. He knew there was going to be drama, she was drunk after all. She was singing, she let the windows blow in the cold air, she cared less about anything beyond him and her. She was in the moment and he was losing his. She looked straight into his eyes, they looked sad. But it seemed like she knew how to control what they wanted to speak. He looked back at her. He couldn’t resist her lips, they were pink and soft. May be it was her lipstick. He leaned forward to kiss her. She was shivering, not because she was afraid, but because the window was open and the cold air made it hard for her to stay warm anymore. He didn't realize that and moved back, he thought he was forcing something that she dint want. She knew it was time to drop her disguise and that’s what she did. She got up from her seat and settled in his lap. It was a tight place for two people. The steering wheel had no space to steer anymore, his personal belongings were little uncomfortable with her sitting on him. He couldn’t say it though, because he wanted her to take control. She leaned towards him, her bosom pressing tight against his well-built chest. She grabbed his face in her palms gently, pulled him closer and kissed. They lip locked as if they wanted to lose the key to this lock. It was passionate and wild. The wild fire had spread throughout their bodies by now. She could feel his sweat and he could hear her throbbing heartbeat. He put one of his hands on her waist and hold her tight while the other gradually moved to a more sensual part of her body. She felt that tight grab and kissed him harder. He was able to slip her dress from the shoulders by now. She didn't realize before she was half naked. She dint mind. He carried her to the back seat. Things were going to take a turn. It was going to be a long and tiring night. He holds her tight in her arms and whispered in her ears, “I want you to remember this night, are you sure you are going to be in your senses for this?” She was high on her hormones by now and she said “I lost my Senses when I saw you for the first time”.  They both smiled at each other and they knew that nature had played its part. The resistance was gone. They were two bodies one soul that night. But what he dint know was his impending disaster and what she dint know was her unfortunate fate. She woke up before the first ray in the sky and decided to get back to her real world. She thought it was a one night stand for him and thus she left. He was woken up by the sun kissed morning. She was long gone. But what she dint know was that she had got this player down. He had lost this game to his heart. He was in love and she would never know, coz she left before he could say anything. She keeps her story in her heart about that One Night Stand because she knew he would too and someday when they meet on some cross roads, she would tell him that, “that one night stand was her love at first sight.”

P.A.S.S.I.O.N.A.T.E D.R.E.A.M.S...!!

"PASSIONATE DREAMS"

Have you ever had a Larger than life dream ?
A dream which gave you sleepless nights rather than a peaceful sleep? A dream which made your heart race faster than a Ferrari. A dream which if came true could make your soul cry out of happiness. A dream which was more addictive than any addiction.
A dream which ignited every single spark in your body...!!

Such dreams are rare. If you have one,don't let it go, nurture it. Those dreams will turn your world upside down. It will challenge you in the most difficult way possible. It will make you take the route you were once scared to walk on.Force you to make decisions which could break you down. It will show you how hard life can get on you.The moment when you would think you are almost there, it will welcome you with more new challenges.It will make you question your real friends, family,and the worse your own abilities. Don't even think about your comfort zone,because that went out of the window the moment you dared to dream.

What do you do when that happens ?

What you do is  you don't quit. you take the bullet. You "Challenge the Challenges" and get in the game.It will give you moments which will inspire you to bring the best and worse out of you.,but you don't stop and you don't look back,Just keep moving towards the unknown and "expect the unexpected".When you decided to work on your dream is when you gave the wind to fire it up. Be passionate about it. Love it.Feel it.Trust your instincts.Make mistakes, because it will only help you to make better strategies.And the most important aspect is to get your dreams out in open. Share it with other people, some will envy you not because you are a doing better job but just because you had the courage to stand up and fight for your dreams. Good thing about sharing your dream is that you will find people who will appreciate that passion in you. They will work with you to make it come true. They will show you the way when you feel lost.They will pull you up when you fall down.They will raise their voice to match your song. These people are your true friends,keep them safe.

I have such a dream., A dream larger than life.
I am not afraid to loose but my goal is to Win.
I am here to ask for your support and i am here to share my dream with you.
Keep me in your prayers and i am sure your prayers will do wonders for me...!!

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams" ~
Eleanor Roosevelt

P.S : "MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOUR "

A New Adventure Awaits..!!

Soon a New Year will begin....with new promises,challenges, experiences and learning...A new story to tell...but when i look at the flashback 2013...it was something i would never change...everything that i asked for...dint ask for happened...!! Here i am in a foreign land...Far Away from home...listening to some old country songs...and thinking...was it all worth it..? 

Sometimes we should be careful with what we ask for... 

I Wished for a place far way from home...but i dint know it would be so far that it would be difficult to come back home when the sun sets down..I asked for my freedom...but now i am so free that if i fell...it would be my sole responsibility... I asked for real people around me and ended up with just a bunch of people whom i can call friends...I asked for my dreams but in turn lost my love...I asked for strength to fight back and ended up with more bruises to deal with...I asked for more beautiful memories...but ended up with real Black outs..(Not to ignore the wheelchair and the stretcher- in reference to the unforgettable moment of my life which i will never remember)...Sometimes its scary...sometimes its really exhilarating...!! 

It is after all a vicious Game..."The Wishing Game.."

Everyone would have made a wish during Christmas...i did too...but then i realized that the whole wishing game was really a challenge...a game in which you have to play your cards really wisely...its a good thing if your wish comes true...but look out for the consequences...they say with "Great Power comes Great Responsibility" may be that would be a good example of wishing wisely...

One good thing about my life is that i don't keep any regrets...no matter what i wished for and what i received...either way it was an experience or a learning...so yes it was all worth it...With the new Year just knocking on my door...I dare to Wish...and i Wish to make it all worth it again the next year..:)

"For last year's words belong to last year's language 

And next year's words await another voice".
- T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets

Go crazy...Have Fun...do things you never imagined you were capable of doing...

Eat a large Pizza all by yourself...Work towards the beautiful dream that you saw last night...go out and eat an ice cream during the freezing midnight....have an affair...go fall in love...go on a blind date..eat all the cheese and wine...learn how to dance...paint the walls of your room with your favorite color..start earning and saving for the trip you always wanted to go on...take as many pictures as you can (some can be embarrassing for you and some will embarrass others)...live every single moment and make your life a story worth telling...

After all the real beauty lies in the hidden treasures...GO EXPLORE...a New Adventure Awaits..!!

for , “Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.” 
- Brad Paisley

I wish You All a Very Happy and a Prosperous New Year...Cheers..!!!

"THE FIRST FLIGHT"

"A new life....A new world.....A new beginning...A new end...."

CANADA

The feeling when you are taking the first flight of your life....and when the flight is gonna take you to the whole other side of the world...how do you feel...????

SCENE 1

ITS SCARY....ITS BEAUTIFUL.....ITS BREATH TAKING......ITS A WHOLE LOT OF FEELINGS THAT YOU CAN IMAGINE EXISTS.....yeah i experienced it all.....it was my first flight ever....i was nervous...dint know how things worked out on an airport...dint know how the good byes would be....dint know where i was going....a country i never imagined i would land up in....i always dreamed  about going to Europe, USA,Australia etc....but destiny wanted me to go to Canada....!!!

So here i was....my bags packed....in the car....mom n dad besides me....brother sitting in the front....i was all silent....they were all silent....no one knew how to react....i was going far....to a place we never imagined i would go....but  NOW i was about to catch the flight in next 3 hours....we reached the airport.....we dint know how things moved around on an airport...how exactly customs, security check, immigration check etc worked....so asa we got to the airport....i put my luggage on the trolley...my brother started teaching me how to move around with the trolley....we kept moving.....there i saw TERMINAL 2....my heart skipped a beat....my feet all confused whether to take a step ahead or to step back....yes i was nervous...!!!

The moment we reached the gate of Terminal 2....there was silence all again....my mom had tears in her eyes...i dint wanted to cry....but i did as well....there was a whole big speech that i had prepared for my parents but i ended up choking...couldn't say a word except for the goodbye....i kissed my mom...i hugged my dad and brother....i felt warm and protected....i was gonna loose those arms soon....dint feel like leaving....but i had to.... i turned around with my teary eyes...the security guy on the gate was feeling sad for me...he tried to console me and said that everything was gonna be fine....i wanted to believe him....and may be i did coz that was when i gathered the courage to enter the airport...!!

I went inside and asked few people what exactly was i supposed to do...they said get the boarding pass....the window was going to open in the next 1 hour....what was i supposed to do...i couldn't go back....i searched for the visitors glass...my parents were gonna be there till i left...but then it took me quite a while to figure out where it was...so i just decided to stand i  the Que for the boarding pass....!!

I started observing what people in the line were doing...coz i dint wanted to miss out on any of the processes....NEXT....i heard from the desk....whats your full name miss...i answered and the round began....they put my luggage in some sort of conveyor belt and it went away...i was scared...thinking where did my luggage go....he said i would get it in Canada....i had no option but to trust him...so i did...!!

Then i ran towards the visitors glass to see my parents....it was sound proof...i called them and we talked....how is it going my dad asked....i said i was fine....coz i dint wanted him to feel my nervousness...i bid them the final goodbye and moved towards the immigration check....my mom said we will b waiting here...till u catch your flight...if anything happens just come down...i was a bit relieved....!!

Immigration's makes you feel like a criminal....the guy was good but he interrogated me....i dint like it but managed to keep a smile on my face through out...i dint wanted him to feel if there was something wrong with me....finally after a round of questions the guy agreed to believe that i was no criminal n tap tap he stamped...wooshh...sucha a relief...!!

next step was to go towards the security check...i had to remove all the metal, wallet and etc from my bags...the lady was more than happy to check me put and woahh it made me feel creepy...though i went ahead collected my items and then had to go downstairs to catch my flight....!!

Asa i reached the ground floor....i saw a whole different world....felt like a fairyland.....so much stuff i could buy....for a moment i forgot everything....i started to explore....it was a Girls Dream Come True land....i saw people from different races....hot guys and girls....the place looked so exciting....but yet again what i ended up buying was a COKE...A DIET COKE....man i never drink diet coke....but i guess it was coz of all the mixed feelings that i had....i ended up having a diet coke....!!

I started calling all my friends....i wanted to say so much to them....i wanted to say il miss them...that i love them...and suddenly BINGO...you get the WiFi on the airport....TANGO and Viber were my best friends for the next 2 hours after that.....while talking to my friends i showed them all the hot guys and girls and we all did the bird watching together...yeah it was fun...!!

The clock kept ticking and i realized it was the time to board the  FIRST FLIGHT of my life....again all those mixed feelings came rushing down to my heart....my heart forgot how it worked...coz it was not beating properly....i thought i would look for an exit gate and me be go back....but my feet kept moving towards the boarding gate....i gave my tickets to the security and he led me to a bus...i was standing there with bunch of other people...my hands went cold...my senses got numb...all i could hear and feel was my heart beat...

After like 10 minutes , some security guy comes looking for me in the bus...i wondered that what have i done now...dammit this is my first flight...please don't take me to jail...lol....but then he said one of my luggage wasn't tagged so he just wanted to confirm few things with me....i responded quickly and went back to the pick up bus....wheels started turning and we headed towards the plane.....i always thought airplanes were MAGNIFICENTLY GIANT...but no...they are just too big...nothing like dinosaurs or something..haha....!!

I finally enter the plane...my first flight....the attendents were very warm....i felt like home....they guided me towards my seat and i followed. sitting to the left of  me was a giant black guy and to the right another indian boy....i felt uncomfortable...i asked for a change of seats to one of the attendants and he was kind enough to do that for me....slowly once everybody settled down....the pilot made the announcement....i started to listen to each and every word that he said....coz i thought i was gonna die and he was the only one who could save me...he told me to put on my seat belt and like a sincere kid i agreed to do that.....

"We are about to take off...kindly put on your seat belts"...."vimaan udaan bharney ki taiyaari me he.....kripya apni suraksha peti band lijiye" the tiny wheels of the plane started moving...i closed my eyes....told myself....now get ready...to face a whole different world....get ready to give a fight....flash back off all the good and bad times came in my head...!!!

Flight took off and i open my eyes to see the city rest below me....i was in clouds...and all i said was BRING IT ON....!!!!


"Aankhon me sapne liye...Ghar se hum chal to diye....Jane ye raahe ab le jaaengi kahaan"