And there he was, standing right outside her door, dressed up in a white calm shirt and grey trousers, he looked good, as always, but this time it was different, he was nervous, maybe because he had not seen her in ages, he wondered if she still looked the same, he wondered if she will look at him in the same way, he wondered what he would tell her, he wondered if it was going to be okay.
The phone rings and Tia is still in her bed, trying to wake up to this beautiful morning. She picks up, "who is this ?", " Its me, Tia, I am standing right outside your door. ", "what, Sunny you, you are here?", She skipped a beat, her life froze to an unending winter right away, she could feel the chill in her bones, he was here, after all this time, years, he was here. " Hello Tia, hello, are you listening, can you please come and see me ?", " Umm yes, I am here, I am listening , I'll be right there " Tia replied.
She changed into her ripped jeans and floral top, she looked like the sunshine, and in the scorching heat, she was still peaceful and poised. She walks down to her door, her heart pounding abnormally fast, trying to tell her the stories of her past. She remembered all her sleepless nights, when she cried herself to sleep, when she missed him but he was not around, and now he was here, and she was not prepared, her body had lost all the hopes of ever seeing him again, but now, she was going to see him,.
She opens the door, " Sunny.......(long silence)" , "Tia.......(long silence)" they didn't react , they dint speak, just looked at each other and they were lost.
He pulls himself together, " Hi Tia, how have you been ?" she walks towards him, still does not reply, she just goes and hugs him, he feels the storm inside him, she feels the pain in her heart, she feels the warmth of his body, she had missed him, she had missed him for years. He had missed her too, he starts to recognize her curves, fragrance of her body, her hair smelled like flowers, he remembers, she was his girl, his lady love "
Finally they pull themselves away from each other, they adjust their thoughts to reality, " Sunny, why do you have 2 cups in your hand ?" she asks, "Oh this, I got them for you, I forgot if you liked tea or coffee, so I got you both " , she smiles, " Ill take the coffee" He holds her hand and asks her , so where do we go ?
"Sunny , do you want to go the hill gardens , where we went for the first time together ?" he couldn't help but smile and said yes, why not ?
He takes her to the car, "sunny I don't remember this ride, a lot has changed I guess during all these years", and it sure did. The ignition turns on and there they go, but this time to their past, their happy place, their memories.
There is perfect silence between them for sometime, but not the awkward silence, its the silence of pain and loss, he realizes he should initiate , just like good old times , " Do you want to go grocery shopping ?" he asked her with a straight face, " go where, what did you just say", she laughs and laughs till the tears roll down her cheek, " Sunny, we met after years, and that;s what you have to ask me ? you are still pretty romantic, I must say , Grocery shopping , hahaha ". He realized he didn't really choose his words wisely, but how could he tell her, that he still feels the same old butterflies in his stomach every time he looks at her.
They reach the hill gardens, he parks the car, holds her hand and says " Here we are, lets go ? "
They walk together, holding hands, he playfully touches the curves of her waist, did you put on some weight Tia, " What No, I just became fluffy, yes, fluffy and not fat " she says. He laughs at her, kisses her forehead, and thinks, she is still just the same adorable girl he fell for, and she hasn't changed , not even a bit. They talk about everything , everything they saw, they felt around them. " Sunny, you said there are 9 billion people on this planet, and you said I'm the one still stuck in your head", isn't it ? Tia asked with those sparkling eyes. He thought this was going to be his tough one, he sensed some heat coming his way, he hesitated but said " Yes, that's true, that's what I said". " I was wondering that we have 9 billion people on this planet, why cant we give them each a billion dollar and deal with poverty once and for all, I mean we just have to spend 9 billion dollars " She inquired with a childlike curiosity. He tried but could not hold his laughter, he pulls her cheek and says, " Do you realize Tia that 9 billion dollars to 9 billion people means just $1 dollar per person and not $1 billion per person, right ? " She realizes her dumb moment and laughs and says, oh I was just kidding , just wanted to make sure you still know your numbers right."
He looks at her and smiles, but all of a sudden he stops, he pulls her towards him and says " How angry are you with me Tia, for leaving you, without telling you " , She tries but she looses all her words, she looks at him and wonders what she should say. It has been years since he left. He never told her why he was leaving, one fine day he just decided to walk out of her life to never come back, she waited for him, seasons passed by but he never came back, and after all this time, he was here, she was angry, she was disappointed but what he didn't know was that out of all, she was happy, she was so happy to finally see him, be able to feel him, have him by her side, she had waited years for this moment, how could she be angry, he took all her feelings off-guard and now she was standing right in front of him, vulnerable once again.
They look at each other, he holds her face in his palms, and asks her once again" Tia, please get it all out, I know you are angry with me and you have all the rights to be , so please say something, fight with me be angry at me, but just don't stay quite, your silence hurts me"
She reacts to his words, and says " Sunny, you left me long time ago, Yes I was angry with you, but now I am just disappointed that you left, I have gone through hell each passing day, trying to get over you, trying to run away from your memories , your essence which you left in me, I have been trying to escape the shadows of our past , and now you are here, asking me if I am angry, all this pain has killed every bit of emotion in me Sunny and now, once again, I feel naked, I feel vulnerable with you, because I know, that you are here but you are not here to Stay ." He feels the shock right in his veins, wondering how she knew that he was not going to stay. She hugs him, real tight, he could feel the squeeze on his chest, she was stronger now, she speaks in her undertone " Sunny, please stay, don't leave me once again, I am already broken apart, if you leave now, Ill be left in pieces for life, ill loose my purpose, my existence, I love you , don't take this away from me ".
He pulls himself away from her, the storm in his chest was destroying every bone and skin on his body. He fought his dire desire to stay back, he wished he could, he wanted to, but he had his reasons, he argued himself a million times in his head, but he still knew that he cannot stay back, no matter what. He sighs a heavy breath and says " Tia, I have to leave now, its time, I have to go , I just wanted to see if you can ever find the heart to forgive me, I know I don't deserve it, but I cannot live with the fact that you hate me, so if you ever can forgive me, please do, and just know, I love you, but my reasons don't allow me to be with you".
He holds her hand, kisses her forehead, wraps his strong wide arms around her, she feels safe, but she knows that his arms are not her safe haven, anymore. They drive back to her house.
" So that's how this ends Sunny ? Is this our fate ? I don't agree to your reasons to leave me, for breaking us apart, knowing that you love me as well and you are still letting us fall apart, its a sin, don't do this " Tia cries her heart out.
He settles himself back to his strong demeanor , wishing that his parents were not caught in the religious setbacks of this world , he knew that once again love was lost over religion, over unrealistic family values , over unrealistic family expectations , over domestic pressure, he remembered the heated conversation he had with his parents that night, when he left her years ago, when they told him they will not accept their love, and he had to give in to their old crying tears. He was hoping for joy and celebration that night when he went to his parents to tell them that he found his girl, but he was left in pieces when they told him that he was being unreasonable to fall in love with an outcast. He wished he could leave everything and run away from everything, everyone, but he was a good son, a good brother and he could not escape his reality and so he chose to leave her and walked away from her life, without telling her, not knowing how to face her, not knowing how to tell her that he lost her over religious fanaticism in the society.
And after all these years, here he was, trying to find his soul back, trying to find forgiveness, " Sunny, are you listening to me, will you ever come back ? " she shakes his weak shoulder and asks.
" I am sorry Tia, I can never come back " he says with a breaking voice and leaves.
She walks back, crying, fighting herself, trying to gather her broken pieces, her soul ripped apart once again, just like that. How would she ever know that she lives in a society where rapists are considered less harmless then the ones who eat beef. How would she know that she lives in a society where our religious fanatics are comfortable having their sons/daughters get married to complete strangers over their long lost love. How would she ever know that she lost her love over some unrealistic, unchallenged norms of this rigid society.
All she knew was that she lost today, she just didn't loose her love, she lost her faith today !!!!
" Two worlds, Two people, Once again Love was Lost, all they needed was a fight for rationality over religion "
They look at each other, he holds her face in his palms, and asks her once again" Tia, please get it all out, I know you are angry with me and you have all the rights to be , so please say something, fight with me be angry at me, but just don't stay quite, your silence hurts me"
She reacts to his words, and says " Sunny, you left me long time ago, Yes I was angry with you, but now I am just disappointed that you left, I have gone through hell each passing day, trying to get over you, trying to run away from your memories , your essence which you left in me, I have been trying to escape the shadows of our past , and now you are here, asking me if I am angry, all this pain has killed every bit of emotion in me Sunny and now, once again, I feel naked, I feel vulnerable with you, because I know, that you are here but you are not here to Stay ." He feels the shock right in his veins, wondering how she knew that he was not going to stay. She hugs him, real tight, he could feel the squeeze on his chest, she was stronger now, she speaks in her undertone " Sunny, please stay, don't leave me once again, I am already broken apart, if you leave now, Ill be left in pieces for life, ill loose my purpose, my existence, I love you , don't take this away from me ".
He pulls himself away from her, the storm in his chest was destroying every bone and skin on his body. He fought his dire desire to stay back, he wished he could, he wanted to, but he had his reasons, he argued himself a million times in his head, but he still knew that he cannot stay back, no matter what. He sighs a heavy breath and says " Tia, I have to leave now, its time, I have to go , I just wanted to see if you can ever find the heart to forgive me, I know I don't deserve it, but I cannot live with the fact that you hate me, so if you ever can forgive me, please do, and just know, I love you, but my reasons don't allow me to be with you".
He holds her hand, kisses her forehead, wraps his strong wide arms around her, she feels safe, but she knows that his arms are not her safe haven, anymore. They drive back to her house.
" So that's how this ends Sunny ? Is this our fate ? I don't agree to your reasons to leave me, for breaking us apart, knowing that you love me as well and you are still letting us fall apart, its a sin, don't do this " Tia cries her heart out.
He settles himself back to his strong demeanor , wishing that his parents were not caught in the religious setbacks of this world , he knew that once again love was lost over religion, over unrealistic family values , over unrealistic family expectations , over domestic pressure, he remembered the heated conversation he had with his parents that night, when he left her years ago, when they told him they will not accept their love, and he had to give in to their old crying tears. He was hoping for joy and celebration that night when he went to his parents to tell them that he found his girl, but he was left in pieces when they told him that he was being unreasonable to fall in love with an outcast. He wished he could leave everything and run away from everything, everyone, but he was a good son, a good brother and he could not escape his reality and so he chose to leave her and walked away from her life, without telling her, not knowing how to face her, not knowing how to tell her that he lost her over religious fanaticism in the society.
And after all these years, here he was, trying to find his soul back, trying to find forgiveness, " Sunny, are you listening to me, will you ever come back ? " she shakes his weak shoulder and asks.
" I am sorry Tia, I can never come back " he says with a breaking voice and leaves.
She walks back, crying, fighting herself, trying to gather her broken pieces, her soul ripped apart once again, just like that. How would she ever know that she lives in a society where rapists are considered less harmless then the ones who eat beef. How would she know that she lives in a society where our religious fanatics are comfortable having their sons/daughters get married to complete strangers over their long lost love. How would she ever know that she lost her love over some unrealistic, unchallenged norms of this rigid society.
All she knew was that she lost today, she just didn't loose her love, she lost her faith today !!!!
" Two worlds, Two people, Once again Love was Lost, all they needed was a fight for rationality over religion "
